Barnet man finds community tackling male loneliness

Miren Shah, a 29-year-old from Barnet, has found a community that addresses male isolation after experiencing significant loneliness. The civil servant found himself struggling with friendships and a lack of connection following the end of a 10-year relationship, which left him feeling unable to navigate life alone.

Shah, who grew up in North London, admitted to lacking male allies and feeling he did not conform to traditional expectations of masculinity. He described being labelled 'too sensitive' by peers who kept their emotions guarded. This made him wary of forming close male friendships as an adult, despite a desire for connection.

His personal experience echoes broader findings. A survey of 2,000 men indicated that nearly half desire more physical affection, with one in ten unable to recall the last time they received a hug. Shah stated he realised how lonely he was, having not built a strong community outside his long-term relationship.

Finding Shoulder to Shoulder

After his relationship ended, Shah found himself yearning for emotional and physical connection, initially assuming this meant finding a new partner. He later realised his craving was for general human connection. He discovered Shoulder to Shoulder through a post on Reddit that resonated with his feelings of isolation and dwindling friendships.

Shoulder to Shoulder, founded by Tom Stroud and Dan Shrigley, is a London-based community and social club aiming to combat male isolation and foster platonic connections. The group currently has approximately 2,000 members across the capital. Shah joined in December 2025.

Shah described a transformative experience at a Shoulder to Shoulder event held in Hyde Park, which was attended by around 200 men. He felt his voice was heard and found himself among other men where he could express himself openly, hug friends, and engage in deep conversations, receiving similar warmth in return. He stated he had finally found men with whom he could be completely himself.